Bully Prevention
Facts About Bullying
4% of children in grades K-3 are targets of bullying. This increases after grade 3.
Nearly 30% of students in grades 6-10 are involved in bullying or being bullied by others.
Bullying is the most common form of violence in our society.
From 1994-1999 there were 253 violent deaths in school.
Bullying is most often a factor in school deaths.
Many children who are bullied suffer long-term psychological effects.
Many victims of bullying do not tell an adult about their situation.
More than 60% of people who bullied in grades 6-9 have least one criminal conviction by age 24.
Membership in either bully or victim groups is associated with school drop out, poor psycho social adjustment, criminal activity and other negative long -term consequences.
Bullying can lead victims to have suicidal thoughts or actions and thoughts of revenge on the bully.
Peers reinforce bullying in 81% of episodes.
Peers intervene in only 13% of bullying episodes at which they are present.
Sources of information:
Wintle, C. Stopping Bullying at School a Curriculum for grades 5-8 by (2002).
Bullies, Victims, & Bystanders: Intervention Strategies, Handout by Steve Berk, Ph.D. Weston, MA.
Rigby, K. Bullying in Schools and What to do about it. (Ontario: Pembroke l998).
What is Bullying?
Bullying is when a person or group of persons who are stronger, older, more popular, or more powerful in some way, intentionally and repeatedly treat someone else disrespectfully, whether it is, verbally, physically or relationally.
Critical to reducing the frequency of bullying in your school community, is having a clear awareness and consensus on the part of all members of the school community, including students, teachers, staff and parents, as to what constitutes an act of bullying. Coming to this definition collectively must be a part of the process. Studies by leading researchers on bullying show that conducting student and staff surveys about how and where bullying occurs in the school community is a necessary first step in understanding the nature and intensity of the problem.
Bullying behaviors take many forms, all of them have a victim or victims, or, "targets". All bullying behaviors involve one or more persons intentionally trying to hurt and or intimidate another person or persons repeatedly. Bullying behavior says, "I have more power than you do." The behaviors may be mild or they may be quite severe and illegal. They are aggressive behaviors, rather than assertive means of self-defense. They range from:
Teasing, making jokes at the expense of someone, gossiping, ostracizing, exclusion, picking on, name calling, hurtful graffiti, threats of harm to persons or property, stealing, destruction of person's property, inappropriate touching, neglect, sexual harassment, physical and sexual abuse. In the process of leading your students through lessons on bullying they will be able to identify bullying behaviors more clearly, and can perhaps add to this list.
Who Bullies?
We all have probably bullied in one of the above forms at some point or other in our lives. Many of the acts of bullying mentioned above are socially sanctioned, or at least seen as quite within the normal range of behaviors. Bullying is not something that only children do. Adults are also often bullied, at home, in the workplace, in various social settings, including bars, nursing homes, and recreational sports. Sometimes this bullying looks more like abuse. Sometimes adults bully children, particularly in dysfunctional homes where families are blended. Bullying happens across all socioeconomic levels, and in most cultural groups. As you can see, the line between bullying and abuse is thin, and spreads across a broad spectrum from largely accepted behaviors to those that are illegal.
Studies show that boys bully three times more often than girls, but those statistics are changing in some demographics. The type of bullying they do is also different with boys resorting more frequently to physical bullying and girls to relational bullying such as exclusion, gossip and stealing. This also is changing as more girls resort to violence.
Studies show that those who bully most often come from homes where there is little or no warmth or empathy expressed. These children get little positive attention in their families. Discipline is inconsistent and physical. These children tend to be arrogant and controlling with what may look like high self-esteem, but actually is not.
Who Are the Victims?
Children with low self-esteem
Children who are shy, anxious or nonassertive.
Children who have difficulty reading social signals. This includes children with various disorders such as autism, Asberger's, ADHD.
Children who react emotionally or cry easily.
Children who are smaller, or different in some way including:
Those who wear glasses
Dress differently
Have a disability
Have an appearance, behaviors or mannerisms that others might stereotype as homosexual.
Where Does Bullying Occur Most Commonly?
Less supervised school related settings such as; recess, cafeteria, hallways, bathrooms, school buses and bus stops.
Children are also bullied after school on the telephone, internet, and on the street.
What About the Bystander?
Everyone has been a witness to bullying at least once over the course of their lives and often many more times. Those who do not do anything to help the victim often suffer from guilt afterwards. There can also be trauma associated with witnessing bullying depending on the individual and the situation.
Children need to know that there is a safe way to report bullying. The clearer they are as to what constitutes bullying, and what the school policy is, the more comfortable they will feel with reporting or speaking out.
Children need to know that by laughing at a bully's actions they are joining in on the bullying. They need to know that the bully gets a reward for his or her behavior when the bystander responds positively. They need to know that the bully is encouraged when no one speaks up to stop his or her actions. The bully also becomes encouraged or gets an emotional reward when the victim is allowed to suffer alone.
Why Bystanders Don't Help the Target
1) The bystander is afraid that they will be hurt if they intervene. Bullies are (or are perceived to be) bigger and stronger, or at least more capable of mean acts.
2) The bystander is afraid of becoming a target themselves, and being singled out for retribution by the bully later.
3) The bystander is afraid of doing something to make the situation worse. If he or she tells the principle or teacher, the target may be punished, or embarrassed.
4) The bystander does not know what to do to intervene. They do not know what to say, or how to stop violence, or who to tell. Children need to be taught how to take smart and safe action in the face of bullying.
How Supporters of the Bullying Justify the Behaviors
They are friendly, or friendlier with the bully than the target.
They believe that helping the target could turn them into a “social outcast.”
The target is not their friend.
They don't want to interfere in something that isn't their problem.
They think the target is a loser, or deserves to be bullied, “He asked for it.”
Bullying will help the target to learn to better stand up for his or herself.
It's an unspoken rule that you don't “tell” on the bully.
The bully and join-ins are in the “in” group. To be in the “in-group” involves laughing at or otherwise supporting the jokes and pranks of your group members.
It's too confusing to try to figure out whether to help and what to do.
It isn't really harmful to the target. It's just teasing or “fooling around.”
They have prejudicial belief systems about the target (race, religion, sexual orientation, special needs, predilections etc.) that cause hate or depersonalizes them.
Adapted from sources including: The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, by Barbara Coloroso, (New York: Harper Collins, 2003). Stop Bullying at School, by Carol Wintle, (see bibliography).
What You Can Do About Bullying A-Z.
Here are some essential steps toward decreasing bullying and increasing safety in your school and classroom:
A ) Identify with your students and faculty the many forms that bullying takes. Research has shown that this is best done by letting students and staff fill out anonymous surveys at least yearly.
B ) From the surveys and group discussions generate a list of behaviors that are considered bullying and thus unacceptable.
C) Acknowledge that bullying does go on in every school, and identify the places and times where bullying happens most often in your school.
D) Acknowledge that bullying happens outside of school, and to identify those places and scenarios in your student's lives. This is important for many reasons, among them the fact that sometimes bullies at school are victims at home. Also I find that children most readily identify having been bullied by a sibling, relative or neighborhood child or relative.
E) Sensitize all students to the effects of bullying. Because so many aspects of bullying are social sanctioned the hurtful effects are often minimized by those who bully or those who observe bullying.
F) Help students to acknowledge and think about times in which they might have been involved with bullying as a bully.
G) Help students to acknowledge and think about times in which they might have been involved with bullying as a victim.
H) Acknowledge that every person who witnesses bullying; who laughs or plays along, is involved in bullying. This is called, "joining-in".
I) Discuss the challenges that students and teachers face in knowing how to speak up when bullying is happening.
J) Empower students and faculty with the communication tools and confidence to speak out against bullying, and help to stop it when it is happening. Research has shown that it is effective to have a Bully Officer to report to that is separate from the chief disciplinarian (usually the assistant principal). The students will have greater sense that their efforts will be heard, and less fear that the result will be punitive.
K) Have clear and enforceable consequences for bullying behaviors.
L) Support victims of bullying and their families in finding healthy ways to cope with and to respond to bullying. Blaming the victim, or working to help the victim change their behaviors is rarely helpful, and mostly harmful.
M) Work supportively with bullies and their families to address underlying causes of this behavior. Often it is necessary to involve a professionally trained counselor as there are usually problems in the family system, and parents can be defensive.
N) Educate every parent in the school community about the bullying policy. Some parents still tell their children to, "ignore it," or even to "hit back" when they are bullied. You can help them to be more supportive in productive ways.
O) Focus on ways to strengthen the sense of community identity within the school. This helps students to feel safe, and connected to one another and responsible for one another.
P) Teach kids how to recognize the difference between assertive and aggressive styles of communication. Help them to learn the tools of assertiveness through identifying the differences and practicing assertive means of asking for what you need and expressing your feelings. Many kids who are bullied, end up responding with aggressive means for lack of better training or skills.
Q) Teach anger management techniques. This involves becoming more sensitive to feelings of anger, recognizing them before they are too strong, and learning safe ways to expressing anger, and expressing your needs and feelings.
R) With younger students it is important to teach the difference between "tattling" and telling. When we tattle we are trying to get someone into trouble. When we tell, we are trying to prevent trouble. Create scenarios to discuss this and bring it up every time there is a question. Tattling can be a form of subtle bullying in young children.
S) Teach the difference between teasing and bullying. It has to do with the intent of the behavior. Is it meant to intimidate or hurt another? Is merely an affectionate way of being silly? Does it hurt the person it is directed towards? Is a way to have power and control over another? Is it meant to point out one person's differences in a way that would ostracize them?
T) Talk about joking and when jokes are funny and when they are mean. Black humor is always aimed at someone else's expense. It is a put down. White humor is just meant to be funny without hurting anyone. Help students to be more sensitive to when and why they laugh. Often we respond to something that makes us uncomfortable with nervous laughter.
U) Train everyone in the school community, including bus drivers, cafeteria and recess monitors and substitute teachers.
V) Create opportunities for students to know those outside of their immediate peer group beyond superficial stereotypes.
W) Foster opportunities for cooperative efforts at school.
X) Reward victims for speaking up about their abuse.
Y) Reward bystanders for speaking up on the behalf of victims.
Z) Reward bullies for learning and practicing new behaviors at school.
How Can Stories Help?
As I have identified, there are a number of factors that serve to foster or discourage bullying behavior. Stories help to:
Create a shared vocabulary about bullying - what, who, where, when, how.
Create a stronger feeling of community among students.
Create empathy, caring and kindness.
Offer examples of ways to intervene, and of the positive character traits needed to stand up to bullies.
Foster respect for differences, tolerance and inclusion.
Springboards into dialogue and introspection on the issues.
Foster a sense of responsibility for ones actions and those of peers.
Serve as reminders for the rewards of positive behaviors.
Stories allow us to integrate bully prevention work into the everyday curriculum.
Help us to step into the shoes of others, including victims and bullies.
Examples of ways to use story to prevent and reduce bullying:
Use folk tales and biographical stories to show examples of bullying.
Have the kids make up scenarios to address each of the possible forms of bullying.
Share stories from your own experience.
Have the students gather stories from other students and faculty to identify the above. Share them and discuss them: Is this bullying? Why, or why not?
Letting the kids write and tell personal stories of bullying in their school and home. (I find they think of quite a few examples once they get started.)
Telling a story about a person who is not known to them allows them to develop empathy more quickly in some cases. Then the empathy can be applied to people they do know who have been bullied.
Have them use their imaginations and imagine how they would feel to be in someone's shoes who is being bullied.
Allow them to grapple with situations in which they have been witnesses to bullying behavior, or have even been the bully. They can do this in writing if it gives them greater comfort.
Create class dramatic reenactments in which a kid is bullied and others participate by laughing or doing nothing. Then have a class discussion about why some choose to do nothing, and how to change their beliefs and behaviors to take more responsibility for the effects of bullying.
Again have them tell stories about times in which they did or did not stand up to bullying of others and how it felt.
Practicing is the best way. Play act situations in which bullying is occurring.
Once you have established a list of rules around bullying behaviors, you can have the students make up stories or tell stories from the ones listed in this book to demonstrate behaviors and consequences. If these are shared school wide, the sense of community understand and adherence will be much stronger. This needs to be repeated on some level each year.
Resources:
Once Upon a Time: Storytelling for Character Education and Bullying Prevention. By Elisa Pearmain (Chapel Hill: Character Development Group, 2006).
